Wannabe.

Auditions for the NEW and Improved Kelsey:

Applicant A -

Zoos: Hi, I'm Jesus.
Royal We: So, why are you interested in replacing Kelsey?

Zoos: Well, I really like her headband. It's SnAzZy. Plus her glasses are purple and awesome!! I mean, who wouldn't want to be her?!


Applicant B -

Patrick: Good afternoon. My name is Patrick and I think that I am qualified to replace Kelsey because today I won the "Patrick Award" and I received an official-looking trophy that completely validates my extreme superiority, er, I mean, my statement of qualification.

Royal We: We see. Hypothetically speaking, what would you do, as Kelsey, if you were asked out by a boy?

Patrick: Uhh... I don't really know. I've never been in that kind of situation before...

Royal We: So are you saying that your being male will get in the way of your effectiveness?

Patrick: Gah!! NOOOOO.

Applicant C -

Peter: Hi. I'm Peter. I don't really want to take over Kelsey's job as Kelsey. I just wanted to try on her glasses.

Royal We: We see. Well, just as a matter of course, may we ask you an interview question?

Peter: Sure.

Royal We: Would you be willing to tweeze your eyebrows? This is an important task that Kelsey takes very seriously.

Peter: Ahem, I like my eyebrows just the way they are. Puh.


Applicant D -

Kelsey2.0: Hi! I'm Kelsey2.0! I'm newer, faster, smarter, and downright cuter! I have tons of new capabilities such as, but not limited to, better hair! Quicker reflexes! More perky happiness!Resistance to most cold-related diseases! And I am fluent in Esperanto!

Royal We: We're a little scared.

Kelsey2.0: I even have a better sense of humor! And you must admit, my resemblance is uncanny!

Royal We: That is a very convincing argument. So far, the other applicants have been... the wrong gender. We don't find that acceptable at QueenKelstiki, Inc. So, without further ado, we would like to present...

Kelsey2.0! Available wherever the original Kelsey can be found!