Oh to be a chipmunk...

I got my wisdom teeth pulled yesterday. I feel like there's this whole part of me missing... Actually, four parts of me. My body is making up for the loss by making my cheeks quite large and puffy. How kind.

Happy Blog-versary to me!

That's right! My blog-versary is today, making it one year old. Ah, how things have changed since that first post! I mean, nowadays Earth has been invaded by aliens, we all teleport, school is no longer boring...

Hm. That must've been something I dreamed last night.

In reality, nothing has changed very much, although I'd like to say I've grown as a person by expressing myself through this 21st century medium. *stifles giggles*

Thank you, to my infrequent and few readers! It is for you that I write! Well, not really, but you can go on thinking that.

Until next time, aufwiedersehen.

Well, if you MUST complain...

This is the Birmingham Complaints Choir, a group of people who responded to an advertisement and came up with a decidely artistic response to the unpleasant aspects of life in general. So, if you must complain, sing a song and improve someone else's day. :)

*Sings* I want my money back... My job's like a cul-de-sac...

Fishing = slow.

Yesterday I went fishing with my fairy godmother. We drove out to a small pond, sat down, and cast our lines into the water. Six hours later, I had pulled up an old boot, a lava lamp, two soggy origami cranes, three typewriter keys, and a scuba mask.

"Fishing sucks," I said, disappointed with my lack of fish.

"Perhaps it does dear, but do you know what the lesson from this experience is?" asked my fairy godmother.

"Umm..."

"The lesson is this: people do not care about the environment and throw their trash anywhere they please, including in this pond, thus killing the fish and ruining our outing!"

I stared at her with wide eyes. I'd never seen her so angry in my life.

"Oh, and one more thing," said my fairy godmother, "Sometimes, there just aren't enough fish in the pond. That's when you've got to remember that there's a whole sea out there."

"How long does it take to get to the pier from here?" I asked. "I want to go fishing there."

"About an hour," she replied.

"Well, I'll just have to start fishing late," I said.

If it's illegal, is it still art?

The graffiti in London is far superior to that in Los Angeles. Theirs moves, and skateboards, and dances... why can't ours do that?!

On a more serious note, political commentary seems like a more worthwile reason to deface public (and private) property than for gang-related reasons.

For instance, take a look at this: http://www.banksy.co.uk/menu.html

Quite inspiring.

Having pie with your whipped cream?

That's right, folks. Underneath all that whipped cream is a piece of pie. Who would've thought? This atrocity of synthetic sweetness and Thanksgiving leftovers is the product of my father's attempt to satisfy his sweet tooth. It seems that over the years he has become more lax in regards to the amount of sugar I am allowed to intake after dinner. What an interesting development... Perhaps it is to test my self-restraint. Of course, he of all people should know that I have no self-restraint when it comes to dessert. ;)

Me and Mini-me (a.k.a. Master Kelstiki and the Young Padawan)

Bangs... nose... glasses... I think Laina needs a new stylist. I mean, her current one is so copying my look.

An interesting tidbit of news from the wonderful world of science.

Scientists develop 'cloak of invisibility'
Now you see it, now you don't
by Greg Doublewank


A joint US and British team of scientists have successfully tested a cloaking device they claim can "hide" an object by bending microwaves around it.
Although in its infancy, this embryonic technology is said to be making US Military supremos harder than a North Korean nuclear bunker.
"The possibilities are endless," stated head boffin, Professor H. Potter. "With this technology at a military's disposal, you could theoretically hide bombers, tanks, even large ships such as aircraft carriers."
Our science and technology reporter, Jocelyn Thrutch, was present at the demonstration, where a small copper disc was made to "disappear". Scientist Dr. A. Dumbledore explained: "This phenomenon is best described in the analogy of water moving around a smooth rock. When water recombines, having passed around the rock, someone looking downstream would never guess it had passed around an obstruction, lending an apparent perception of invisibility."
The US Army's General V. Oldermort enthused: "Why with this here deevice attached to say, the 1st US Armoured Division, we could sneak up right on top of old Kim and give him one straight in the ass! Where do I sign?!"
British military observers were however more sanguine in their endorsement of the new technology and it's application. "Not having a great deal of military hardware to begin with," murmured Major-General R. Weasley, "I cannot see any benefit in spending billions of tax-payers pounds in hiding a couple of Challengers and an old wheelbarrow anyway."
There is no civilian potential for this type of exotic technology on the cards at the moment, although Professor Potter joked: "I imagine every schoolboy would leap at the chance at being able to raid the Tuck Shop unseen!" Hmm….

http://www.therockalltimes.co.uk/2006/10/23/cloak-of-invisibility.html

Note from me: Who knew Harry was so intelligent? I thought he was just really good at getting into trouble and using simple spells to foil the world's most dangerous wizard...

I am feeling awkward.

The allegory of the corporate ladder.

Success is what you define it. For instance, these crabs think that success is getting to the top of the pile, when in reality they will be eaten first. Some may not think that is success, but the crabs might, since it will mean the end of their misery.

Wow, that's depressing!

I just wanted to write something as wise as my dear little niece did... minnesotaniece.blogspot.com Her insight is an inspiration to us all.

Please don't kill me, Boba Fett!

Today Laina and I were blessed with the following decree: no school! In honor of this auspicious day, my dad took off work and my mom took a break from working endlessly and we all went to see a movie and play Monopoly.

Monopoly, if you didn't already know, is a very serious game in my family. It not only requires skill and strategy, but also a sophisticated level of fortunateness. Today, my friends, I was very fortunate.

At one point in the game, each of us was fairly equal to the others in regards to property and capital. However, I took advantage of my money and blew it all on hotels in hopes of trapping one of my fellow players. As they came closer and closer to my properties, my stomach knotted up and I wondered if the dice would be good to them. Lucky for me, they weren't. First, Laina landed on my property. She had to pay me almost all of the cash she had. Then my dad landed on my property. The same fate befell him. I didn't expect such success, so I was surprised when my mom landed on my land as well. Luck was not on her side, unfortunately, for since she had doubles, she had to roll again. Her second roll landed her... two spaces away within the same monopolized property.

Needless to say, I won. But the story here, boys and girls, is that money is everything! Oops, did I say that? I mean... um... money is not everything and one shouldn't step on one's family members to reach the top.

Unless you're playing Monopoly.

Disclaimer: I'm not as huge a Star Wars fan as you think! Despite the fact that there are three references as of today on my home page... Hmm.... maybe I need to reevaluate myself and my hobbies.

Teylor = party.

Pirates vs. Ninjas: Part II


Also see: Kung Fu baby.

Pirates vs. Ninjas: Part I

Old enough to have grandkids.

Bunny beware.

Attack of the giantly cute bunny wabbit!

Last seen: Barnes and Noble

Contact 1-866-REPORT2 to notify authorities about this dangerous predator.

Remember, you have the power to make a difference.

Peace out.

Oh My (Insert word other than G-d here)!!!!

It may not look like it, but the above photograph depicts a very excited licensed driver. She would like to thank her parents for providing a car to drive, and for paying the insurance bill. Also, the aforementioned licensed driver needs a job, and would like to request your help in the matter. She extends her deepest thanks, and dances excitedly as she thinks about driving.

Noda (Noor + Yoda)

Noor: Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger; anger leads to hate; hate leads to suffering.

Thankfully, I don't sense any fear in you because I'm just so cute! Heehee!

Oh, and for copyright reasons, the first two sentences are not my creation. But who cares? I look like Yoda! (starts singing the Yoda song)

Kelsey: Um, Noor, what are you doing posting on my blog again? I thought I told you that this was for me.

Noor: Well, you haven't updated in a while so I decided to help you out. Hmph. Oh, and by the way, I am no longer Noor. I have changed my name to Noda. (sings song again)

Kelsey: ...yes...well then...

Adventures in life, friendship, and cantaloupe.

The other day, Queen Kelstiki was lonely in the Tiki Tower, so she called her dear friend, the Great Robiniski. They hadn't seen each other for quite a long while, so they decided to meet at the Tiki Tower within the week.

The activity (and inactivity...) that followed was astounding! Queen Kelstiki and the Great Robiniski passed the time playing DDR, watching "A Knight's Tale," vegetating, sleeping, eating, but most of all, talking!! That was probably the best part, for Queen Kelstiki had been quite deprived of such female bonding.

Needless to say, both were quite exhausted from staying up till 3:30 am, but that was nothing a little make-up couldn't hide. ; )

First Monopoly, then the World!

Today Laina and I were bored (of course).

Kelsey: What do you want to do?
Laina: I dunno.
Kelsey: Wanna play a board game?
Laina: Like what?
Kelsey: I dunno... Othello, or Monopoly?
Laina: Nah. Well. I guess we could play Monopoly.
Kelsey: Kay.

(5 minutes later)

Kelsey: So... wanna go play now?
Laina: Yeah, I guess.

(10 minutes later)

Kelsey: Laina, how come you have so much money?!
Laina: I didn't buy all the property I landed on, unlike someone I know...

(15 minutes after that)

Laina: I'm winning! Ha! I'm building on Endor!
Kelsey: >__< Oh no! I might have to pay you zillions of dollars! GAh...

(Later)

Kelsey: Heehee, now I have Yavin Four and all of Tatooine! And they've all got star-ships! MWAHAHA.
Laina: O__O I'm gonna die.
Kelsey: >:D

(2 hours later)

Laina: I'm depressed.
Kelsey: I won!! Woo!!

By the end of the game, I owned one property from Hoth, all four space-ships, Tatooine complete with star-ships, Yavin Four with star-ships, Cloud City, the Throne Room of the Death Star, both utilities, and all of Endor, with three cities each.

I am ruler of the Star Wars Galaxy!!

All hail Queen Kelstiki!

So one day I got on this plane...

I haven't posted in quite a while, and I would like to extend my greatest apologies. However. I have a very good excuse.

I was in Germany!!

My travel across the Atlantic entailed Queen, singing the Little Mermaid song, cankles, cabinet-sleeping, Pokemon, dancing, more dancing, Wal Mart, Uno, pen tattoos, finding the love of my life (see second picture) and chocolate!

Vielen dank, meine Eltern!

There is no possible way that I could do justice to one of the best experiences of my life in one blog entry, so if you're at all curious about how it was, talk to me in person. Or steal my journal and read about all my deepest emotions and reactions during the trip. But I'd rather you didn't do that.

Oh storytime! Okay, so we were in English class, and the teacher gave out worksheets, and then he went over them in the class. Well, I helped Merle with hers, considering that I am fluent in the language. So she raises her hand to answer one of the questions, and reads the answer. The teacher approves, except for the usage of the word "got." He glances in my direction before saying, "That's American English."

"Bah!" I thought to myself. But if British English is what they want...

The first day we went to the school, we had much fun on the play set. Heehee.


Isn't he amazingly wonderful?!?! Have you met anyone so handsome? I think not!


This is just so pretty. It was in the garden of the "New Palace" in Potsdam.


California feet.


Have you seen anything more random? I mean, who in their right mind would use lime green gnomes to showcase their merchandise? Maybe it's because they live in Holland.


Oh, and if you read my blog at all, you may have read the May 2nd post... so quick update, I got a 5!! That's the highest score!! WOO!!

Cliche of the Day: Oh how time flies!

Today is the second-to-last day of school. What a lovely thought. It gives my heart butterflies! Who needs anything else when such a happy statement can be said with complete truthfulness?

Of course, my butterflies turn from ohmygoodnessiaminlove butterflies to ohnoicannotbelieveitiamnervous butterflies when I remember that my dearest Ate and my little love bunch Nemesia must leave on Wednesday. That, also, is a mere day away. How could this have snuck up on me? They've been here for about a month, and it felt like it would never end. Then *bamwagglekazooey!!* the day has almost arrived.

Oh the sadness and happiness all mixed together in one motley ball of emotion! I think I'll go write some awful poetry about the awfulness of this awful predicament. Woe is me.

On a lighter note, I'm wearing green today!

Family resemblences.

Guess who is visiting us?

*waits as you wonder and try to figure out who it is I'm talking about*

Nemesia and Ate are! Yay!

*dances happily*

^__^

By the way. Look at Nemmie, then look at Noor. Tongues out... smiling... fair... close proximity to a wonderful mother/lola... Is it just me, or are there quite a few similarities?

Another picture. Yay!

Me and my mommy. ^__^

Happy Mother's Day!

Aw, look at us. We had tea on Mommys' Day. It was very yummilicious! Afterwards we all went to a nursery to look at plants.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank my dearest Mumsie for being so good at her job. :) Much love!

My lovely little sister in... The ATTACK of the Killer Fingers!

Laina and I were playing truth or dare... and I dared her to make a weird face that I could post on my blog. So here it is!

Day trippin' to a field of wonders!

Hello there! Today I was fortunate enough to miss 3/4 of my school day. Instead of toiling away at pointless work, we took a couple yellow school buses down to Balboa Park. After watching an Imax movie on coral reefs and playing in the Reuben H. Fleet science museum, we went outside to eat lunch. It was such a beautiful day! We all decided to age backwards a bit, so we played tag and slide. Robin's knuckles hurt my hands...

Plus, Megan almost died from eating Skittles that expired last August. Well, she didn't almost die, but she probably risked some discomfort.

I love fieldtrips, even when they're completely random and have nothing to do with what we're learning. ^__^

Everybody loves school.

I made this. Huzzah! It shows how all dreams during one's school years lead to the corporate whale, and only by rising above this parade to destruction (via helium balloons) can one escape the impending annihilation of self.

By the way, that was all a bunch of ridiculousness. I mean seriously, who would actually think that about a bunch of school buses driving towards a whale?

That AP test can just kiss my Smurf!

It covers everything from our dear friend Lucy the Austrolopithecus to everyone's favorite fascists, Adolf and Mussolini.

It expects you to know about obscure people who somehow did something of minor importance.

And to top it all off, It costs mucho dinero.

Why am I even taking the AP World History test?

I don't actually remember all of that random information. It's probably all stuck in the lower right lobe of my brain, and I won't be able to recall any of it until 30 to 40 minutes after the test.

Goodbye cruel world. And thank you to the Advanced Placement People! Students around the world are cramming as much information into their little heads as possible. We wouldn't have done it without you.

Okay. I'm done ranting.

I'm the Dread Pirate Kelstiki. Fear me.

Here I am, Captain Kelstiki, in a mock-up of my ship with First Mate Boo Boo. This is actually the row boat that my crew wittled to look like the real thing. Arg, matey.

A dream is a WISH your heart makes....

....when you're fast asleep... *hums tune*

It kind of looks like the castle is balancing on Robin's head.

Anyway.

Sleeping Beauty's castle never looked so gold! I'm sure they added the embellishments in honor of their 50th anniversery. That's half a century! Disney is old...

Ooo.... the tiki tiki tiki room!!

I went to Disneyland with Robin, her mumsie, her mumsie's friend Mary Anne, and Laina! It was oodles of fun. This picture was taken outside of the Tiki Room. That's a funny attraction...with the burlesque birdies and the fantastically fantastic flowers. I'm proud to say that I sang along.

This is how I feel.

Happy (belated) Easter!

Laina and I were festive on Easter and wore festive headbands with cute little spring-time animals. Well, Noor was feeling a little jealous, so she decided to be a flower. Aww.




While Noor was parading around with her little headress, Brooke and I practiced walking. She and her twin, Ashley, are so cute. They're already about 9 months old! Every time they visit, they look bigger. *sigh* They grow up so fast... *tear tear* I love my little cousins.

Out of disobedience, fear, and tears, a hero emerges... Noor the Doggie Wonder!

It was a beautiful day. The wild flowers (a.k.a. weeds) swayed in the breeze that spoke of summer. Noor guarded the door to the deck, lying happily in the sun. Unfortunately, she was a little too happy, since a few minutes later, she was fast asleep. That was when disaster struck.

While Noor dozed on the deck, MussoliNiNi Mao Zecat (the kitty, whose real name is Ni. He just wants to take over the world, so he changed his name... long story. See the blog entry from 3/23.) decided to take advantage of the situation, and sauntered out the door, past Noor, and into the wide open wonderfulness that is our yard. Little did he know that without his front claws, and without the guardianship of the ever-loyal Noor, he was vulnerable to the wild beasts that come out at dusk (otherwise known as coyotes).

Meanwhile, Mother was in the kitchen, cleaning, when she happened to notice the door to the deck... wide open.

"(audible gasp) Oh no! Where's that cat?! NI!!! WHERE ARE YOU?" she yelled desperately throughout the house, checking all of his favorite spots. There was no sign of the cute little black kitty who happened to be slightly rebellious.

"Noor, go find Ni!" ordered my mother.

Noor, being the lazy dog she is, sat in the sun a bit before setting off on her quest. But when she began, it was in earnest. Noor searched high and low, low and high for her beloved Ni, but he was nowhere to be found. Then, Noor remembered something of mild importance. Whenever Ni escaped, he always came back home absolutely filthy... which meant that he was probably rolling around in the dirt under the porch! Noor's hunch was correct. There he was, dirtier than ever. Noor let out an exasperated sigh before herding Ni back to the house.

During this afternoon of adventure and excitement, Mother was so worried that she cried as she was about to call Dad about the awful news. Right as she was about to push the "Talk" button, she heard barking, and a couple of meows. Turning around, there on the other side of the glass door were the two pets! She was so happy that she cried even more.

Needless to say, Ni got many kisses and a few chastisements after that episode, while Noor basked in the glory of her heroic deed for the rest of the day. Huzzah for the animals!

And that's the end of this dramatic tale. For lighter reading try the silly story I wrote in my archives. It's quite... well, just read it.

Toast and googlism.

Googlism for: toast
toast is being served
toast is charity
toast is toast
toast is brown
toast is good
toast is nothin but heathers on permanent rerun
toast is never satisfied
toast is the very thread which holds together the uneasy seams of modern society
toast is shot
toast is toast unable to deliver message to the following address
toast is a process
toast is the most
toast is more fattening than bread
toast is england by nick ahad england fans will be able to enjoy a 7am pint as they watch the world cup in pubs this summer
toast is fairy bread
toast is not really a singular food
toast is mine
toast is deceptively simple
toast is by far the best i've ever seen
toast is a recognized leader in helping advertisers worldwide to manage their online marketing campaigns and reach targeted markets through pay
toast is an oakland based company offering chic yet comfortable clothing and accessories for women
toast is ready by sleahy
toast is burning by shanna
toast is to cenes
toast is more than just warm bread
toast is a little bit confused
toast is cooked bread
toast is a mini speech and
toast is the first charity in the country to set up actions groups
toast is a mini
toast is "white or wheat?" but for us
toast is bread at its finest
toast is bliss
toast is hip
toast is socially acceptable for dinner only on sunday nights
toast is a truly marvellous foodstuff
toast is essentially burnt bread
toast is well prepared and appropriately presented
toast is exposed to the turning effect of gravity
toast is an internationally
toast is connected to the following things
toast is true
toast is a speech in miniature
toast is a software package for image reconstruction in optical diffuse tomography
toast is the core program of the toast software package
toast is made from 3/4toast is co
toast is prepared to make this limit go away as soon as possible
toast is a planet that was discovered by earth astronomers late its second millennium
toast is the devil
toast is skäl
toast is robbed of context and offered to the public as something
toast is an
toast is given directly afterwards
toast is so easy to prepare
toast is an excellent source of wisdom
toast is as efficient
toast is cooking up your discs
toast is still the best cd
toast is always based upon the type of occasion
toast is wantonly
toast is being held by someone they take an 'a' heat critical
toast is a reasoned and controlled event
toast is baking
toast is passe
toast is almost a household name to many mac users
toast is a complex process with many devious twists and turns
toast is called "poor knight"
toast is your one stop site for all things mighty mighty bosstones
toast is launching in classic mode
toast is a much richer
toast is a medium brown toasted sp
toast is placed upon her skin
toast is frequently a general one with everyone drinking together
toast is to get the right staleness to the bread
toast is by far the most
toast is produced in pagemaker 6
toast is dropped
toast is the defacto industry standard for writing your own cd roms at home or the office
toast is offered before eating and serves to welcome the guests
toast is the best
toast is
toast is enough of a tribute to a woman who was a superstar in her own time
toast is ready it beeps pretty loudly
toast is finished writing
toast is getting a makeover
toast is at an "inuman
toast is to recognize the people you're toasting
toast is fully carbonized and runs natively in mac os x

Yummers.

So here I am posting on my blog, when wafts of delicious naturally flavored barbeque chips reach my nose... I can't resist eating them. But oh no! I have eaten the whole bag! What shall I do? My thighs can't cope with such a huge intake of chemicals, sugar, and fat.

I might as well have just eaten a flavored tub of lard. Oy vey.

The Happiest Place on Earth!!

Which also happened to be the wettest. We went to Disneyland today with the GAPP students. Even before we arrived, it was raining. There was not one moment of pure, unclouded sunshine. It was a potential disaster.

But then I realized that no matter what I did or said, nothing except a dryer was going to remove the moisture from my jeans, shirt, sweatshirt, hair, shoes, and socks.

So, I did what any thoroughly wet (yet happy) person would do. I played in the rain! I danced, I skipped, I jumped in a couple of puddles. I even got a few people to look at me funny while I squiggled my feet on Main Street.

I had lots of fun at Disneyland. Despite the millions of droplets of water that fell upon me.

So there was this pair of scissors...

I got my hair cut!! I'm so excited!

The lady felt bad about cutting so much off, but I couldn't help it. It had to go.

Firehydrant fun.

Today Mumsie, Merle, and I went to the beach after shopping. Isn't that the coolest firehydrant ever?!?! If I was a fireman...er... I mean fireWOMAN, I would be very impressed. Wouldn't that be a great job? Kay, please comment on this:

Would you rather paint firehydrants for a living with whatever pictures you want, OR be one of those completely silver guys in San Francisco who paint themselves one color?

I personally would rather paint firehydrants. But that's just me.

Transmission from Agent Ni.

It has come to my attention as Ni-Ni Poopykins, commander of the Family Protection Agency, that Kelsey has been engaging in activities that may endanger her sleeping and eating habits. These dangerous activities include, but are not limited to, excessive work on so-called "homework," as well as interactions with "friends." The aforementioned "homework" has often kept her up late into the night, interrupting my evening habits and reducing her hours of sleep from 1o hours to a mere 6.12 hours. It has also planted ideas in her head about various types of government. If she keeps doing it, she may realize that I'm about to engage in a coup of her parents' government-like rule over the household...

This education must stop immediately, for it is ruining my chances of rising to power and CONTROLLING THE FAMILY! MWAHAHAHA!

Ahem, excuse me. As I was saying. Friends are also taking away time from the maintainence of "us." Kelsey doesn't pet me as much as she used to, which I can only assume can be attributed to her "friends."

I am not trying to ruin Kelsey's life. I am only calling for Revolution and Reform! I am calling for Petting, Hugging, and Quality Time for the Feline!

In fact, from now on, I shall be known as MussoliNiNi Mao Zecat! I will use my amazing cuteness to conquer, to liberate, and to create the Holy Roman Democratic Republic of MussoliNiNi Mao Zecat. (Note: It won't be holy, it's definitly not Roman, it won't be a democracy as long as I'm in power, and representatives will be me, myself, and I)

This is the dawn of a new era! If you would like to contribute to my efforts, click on the "comments" link below.

Over and out.

3.1415926535897932384626433832795028

Guess what today is?! Here are a few clues:
Albert Einstein (who happened to love MATH) was born on this day
It is March 14th
March is the third month of the year....

That's right, it's Pi Day!
YAy for Pi!
3.14.... well, just look at the title of my post. Or click here.

To celebrate, they sold pie at school, and Mumsie happened to be volunteering. I went and asked her for some pie... and she gave me a whole one! So I brought it back to The Lunch Table where we ate all of the pie.

It was so delicious, I couldn't help but get a little messy.

A story. By me.

There once was a princess that lived in a duchy by the name of Pakatitoo. (pronunciation: pah-kah-TEE-too) Her name was Little Sparrow, but in actuality, she wasn't very little. Some would even go so far as to say that she was very NOT little. Fortunately, Little Sparrow was okay with that, for she wanted to be.... an o p e r a s i n g e r. She had singing lessons every day in the Royal Singing Lesson Chamber, and she practiced for hours on end just for fun. By the time Little Sparrow reached th age of 16, she was an absolutely wonderful opera singer.

Little Sparrow had another passion other than singing, and his name was Fem. Fem was the son of the local chalkboard-maker. Because of his status, lack of money, and lack of connections, their love was forbidden by the Laws of Social Intercourse that governed the land. This made Little Sparrow and Fem sad.

I could go on and tell you that Little Sparrow went on to be the best opera singer in the world, and that she lived happily ever after singing and singing with her true love, Fem, but that would be a lie. You see, Pakatitoo's neighbor, Minland, was home to the infamously evil Countess Sheyrahn. She wasn't really a countess, and Sheyrahn wasn't her real name, either, but she legally changed her name so that "Countess" was her first name. Anyway. Countess Sheyrahn was not only known for her evil tendencies but for her jealous, malicious heart as well.

Now, what usually happens in stories involving uncommonly talented princesses and jealous countesses?
Exactly.
Princess Little Sparrow suffered from a mysterious illness that ruined her voice, and altered her hearing so that she could not hear that her voice was ruined. (I wonder who could have done that?!)
Little Sparrow's father, King Edvard Fabio Kakanti Hemingway XVIII, felt so bad about the whole thing that he didn't have the heart to tell his daughter the truth, so he simply sound-proofed the Royal Singing Lesson Chamber.

In his flustered state, the King forgot that his daughter greatly enjoyed roaming Pakatitoo's many flower-covered hills singing "The Sound of Music." So, tired of being cooped up in the considerably smaller Royal Singing Lesson Chamber, Little Sparrow went off to roam and sing.

As Little Sparrow enjoyed the fresh air and the fragrant flowers, someone else was not so happy. Little Sparrow was oblivious to the fact just over the next hill was a lake, and in that lake lived a group of Extremely Beautiful Mermaids Wearing Shells. Their Queen, Lilitanya, was obsessed with beautiful things, and would not allow anything otherwise to be in her presence. When she heard Princess Little Sparrow's singing, she nearly screamed. Collecting her wits, Queen Lilitayna pointed her shell-encrusted wand in Little Sparrow's general direction, and blasted a spell so strong that it reverberated throughout the duchy of Pakatitoo.

It was a spell of Silence.

Little Sparrow was knocked over by the force of the spell. When she had righted herself, the princess realized that she could not hear anything. Dazed and confused, she staggered back to the castle, hoping that the royal surgeon would be able to fix things. Little did she know that the town, including the royal surgeon, was in an uproar of the worst kind: it was silent.

When Little Sparrow arrived, she couldn't believe her eyes. Everybody was yelling at everybody else. Well, she didn't really know that everyone was yelling, but their mouths were gaping open and pumping up and down, so she figured that's what they were trying to do. Scared that the masses of angry people would do something rash, she ran to the castle and up to the Throne Room of Wonderfulness, where her father usually sat and enjoyed the perks of being King.

Little Sparrow found the king with a huge pile of cotton-tipped ear cleaners to the left of his throne, and a pile of things that should make loud noises on the right. It was at that precise moment that a feeling of horrid dread filled Little Sparrow as she realized that extent of this sudden deafness. No wonder everyone was yelling. Nobody could hear!

Quickly, Little Sparrow dashed off to the Royal Learning Chamber and fetched as many chalkboards as she could hold, and grabbed a box of chalk as well. She then distributed them to as many people as possible, which totalled 4 people. Of course, this simple action gave the people of Pakatitoo an idea of how to communicate with one another. In a matter of minutes, hundreds of people were swarming outside of Charlie's Charming Chalkboards, the shop owned by Fem's father. In one hour, their whole inventory of 657,452 chalkboards were sold. At five pieces of silver each, Fem and his father were suddenly in posession of 3,287,260 pieces of silver.

As the last chalkboard was bagged for the last customer, Fem had an epiphany.

"I'm RICH!!" he yelled.

What Fem also didn't know was that King Edvard Fabio Kakanti Hemingway XVIII was filing for chapter 7 bankruptcy.

A few weeks later, after an incredibly romantic proposal involving a microphone and a Mariachi band, Fem and Little Sparrow walked down the aisle of matrimony and, once the priest finished his spiel about "twoo wuv", were married! Of course, the whole ceremony was written out on a very large chalkboard, and the vows had to be done on special marriage chalkboards, but all in all, it was quite lovely.

Little Sparrow and her dear Fem lived blissfully ever after. Well, only until Fem got it into his head that he should save Pakatitoo from the Curse of Silence. (echo echo)

But that's another story.

Day of the Stakes. Beware.

Tomorrow is the Day of the Stakes. It's an annual tradition held at my school campus. Everyone decorates a standard wooden stake, then proceeds to smack every available surface. The best stakes are covered with paint-filled balloons. After all, messier is better.

Last year, my stake won "Best Design." I wanted to express my disdain for the existing system of milk carton recycling, so I covered my stake in (what else?) milk cartons, as well as other found materials.

The Day of the Stakes is such an important aspect of student life because it gives everyone the chance to express themselves and to speak out against important issues affecting us directly.

(The author reserves the right to change details of the blog-entry and to add details as she sees fit. Therefore, the above information may not be accurate and/or true. In actuality, stakeholder's day is an open-house style event for the school to promote itself and to show parents the accomplishments of their children, but honestly, which version is better?)

I got bored at school, as usual...

The wonders of plastic surgery.

Today I went to the Wild Animal Park! I got a makeover. Don't you just love my new ears?! Laina doesn't look too excited about hers, though.

Kelsey: Wow, I can hear things miles and miles away!

Laina: This sucks.

Kelsey: But they're so useful! I can collect water in mine. Look! *tilts head and collects water in ears* That tickles.

Laina: You are so weird. I can't believe I'm related to you.

Kelsey: Party pooper.

Laina: Ears have absolutely nothing to do with parties! GOSH.

Kelsey: Mine are better than yours!

Laina: *mumbles incoherently under her breath* What-EVER.

Would you rather...

... eat five raw eggs or stub your toe intermittently over a period of 7.65 hours?
... have your lips tattooed pink or wear cat-eye glasses with rhinestones for the rest of your life?
... marry the Lord of the Dance guy or share a house with a squad of overly serious cheerleaders?

Ponder these questions. Then tell me.

I would rather eat five raw eggs because it would be horrible to know that I'm going to stub my toe intermittently but not know exactly when.
I would rather wear cat-eye glasses for the rest of my life on the off chance that they'll be "in" again.
I would rather share a house with the cheerleaders because that Lord of the Dance guy has legs that are possessed by something otherworldy. It's kind of freaky.

Doo wop doo wop!

Look at Laina! She has a father-daughter dance tonight. My mom and grandma made her poodle skirt, which is oh so cute and swishy. *pang of jealousy* Y'know, I met Teylor at my 6th grade father-daughter dance.

On the road again... is the cheesiest title ever!

Well, yesterday I was feeling a little discouraged about my driving abilities. However, today I decided to try learning how to shift in my dad's car. He drove us down to the school's parking lot, and I practiced letting out the clutch, and then putting on the gas, etc. I killed the engine a couple times... or maybe 10 times. Hehe.

Anyway, my dad kind of tricked me into driving onto the street, and then I ended up driving all the way home! I was going so slow because I was afraid of making a mistake. If you've ever been to my house, you'll know what I mean. *obvious wink wink* When I was driving home, I only killed the engine three times! I was quite proud of myself. Plus, I was able to get the car going on the hills.

Only 181 days til I can get my license!

Yesterday... my troubles seemed so far away...

Urg. I started "behind the wheel" training yesterday. I kept not turning enough, and braking too soon or too late... It wasn't fun. Well, I did okay after a while. My teacher person sounded like he was a retired hippe/surfer. He kept saying, "When there aren't any cars, you can go."

Duh. Like I didn't already know that.

Hi! I'm Brooke!

I have a twin sister named Ashley. We visited our cousins today. It was so much fun! We played on the floor, and watched our brother, Justin, run around in a mask and cape, holding two lightsabers. Tee hee!

Anyway, whenever Kelsey held me, I got to play with her hair. I love that stuff. I tugged it so hard that she said something undescernable. (Did I spell that right?) Well, we've got to go. It's a long drive to Pasadena, and I'm *yawn* sleepy. Nighty night!

Oh, Saint Valentine, what have you done to us?

I made nerds valentines for everyone! They're so cute. Tee hee! And I'm going to enjoy my love potion #6 at lunch. Yay!

Kelsey: Hello Mr. Saint Valentine! Your day is really great.
Mr. Saint Valentine: Thank you. It turned out a little more commercialized than I hoped.
Kelsey: Well, at least the hearts are cute.
Mr. Saint Valentine: I suppose you're right.
Kelsey: Why thank you! So, what's your favorite type of valentine gift?
Mr. Saint Valentine: Hmm. I'd have to say I really like those fun little cards with movie characters on them.
Kelsey: Me too! This year, I gave everyone nerds valentines.
Mr. Saint Valentine: Those are delicious.
Kelsey: Thanks. I think so too.
Mr. Saint Valentine: Would you do me a favor?
Kelsey: Yeah?
Mr. Saint Valentine: Um, well, will you take these stupid cupid wings off of me?
Kelsey: I was going to ask about those. *struggles with arm elastics*
Mr. Saint Valentine: Ah, thank you. I feel so much less stupid.
Kelsey: Can I wear them?
Mr. Saint Valentine: Um, sure.
Kelsey: *Runs around while wearing cupid wings*

Thank you Laina!!

That was the best birthday EVER!! I loved every second!!

First, we had dim sum. Yummers. Shrimp is so tastylicious. Thanks Mom and Dad! That was great even without what Laina had up her sleeve.

Then we went to the mall. If only I didn't like Gap so much, cuz it made me late for my...

...surprise birthday party!

I walked in the door... saw balloons on the floor... Had one thing to do... take off my shoe... then everyone said "Happy Birthday!" and I was completely and totally surprised! We ate cake, and brownies, and chocolate, and played mafia, and opened presents, then to top the night off we did...

KARAOKE. *dun dun DUN*

I must admit, I didn't hit the high notes, and sometimes not even the middle notes, but I told Teylor that I would sing karaoke with her at lunch. Hehe.

Anyway, thank you all so much for making my birthday Wunderbaer. Much love!

SPECIAL TRANSMISSION TO ATE AND ASSOCIATES: I'm sorry I couldn't share my birthday with you, but thanks for calling! I love hearing from you. And y'all sing very well. ; ) Give Nemmie 16 kisses to celebrate!

<-- That's my new monkey friend, Francisco. He lives in my wallet.

Ha. Haha. MWAHAHAHAHA.

Today... I got... my permit!!

Super Bowl XL

I guess this was an extra-large Super Bowl. Those commercials weren't so super, though. Speaking of super, one of the players looked like Mr. Incredible.
Anyway, I was rooting for the Seahawks, since they were the "underdogs," but *sigh* the Steelers won.

Interview
Kelsey: What are you gonna do next?
Steelers: Go to Disney World!!
Kelsey: So, how does it feel to have won the Super Bowl?
Steelers: Y'know, it feels great, cuz, y'know, we get this pretty darn cool trophy thing.
Kelsey: It's pretty shiny... *reaches out to touch the shinyness*
Steelers: Gah!! Stop!! You'll get the oil from your fingers onto our trophy!!
Kelsey: Oh, I'm sorry. Anyway, who gets to keep this trophy?
Steelers: Uh... *brief scuffle*
QB: I've got it! Mwahaha! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!
Kelsey: O_o
QB: 'scuse me. *clears throat*
Kelsey: Well, thank you for your time...
Steelers and QB: No problem. *commence fighting for trophy*
Kelsey: *tsk tsk* boys.

Forgotten keys and coyotes.

So I was going home from church tonight, and my friend was taking me because Kersten had her small group. Anways, we were having a grand time chatting about the stupidity of a certain boy...*cough*chris*cough* when I realized that I forgot my key.

gasp "Brittany! I forgot my key!" said Kelsey.
"Uh oh, well, do you have a spare?" asked Brittany.
"No...I'll call Kersten and ask about what time she's coming home," replied Kelsey.
5 minutes later, Kelsey is talking to Laina, since Kersten didn't answer the phone.
"Laina, I forgot my key!" said Kelsey worriedly.
"Um, why don't you just go through the back door? It's unlocked," replied Laina, slightly exasperated.
"Are you sure?" asked Kelsey.
"Yes, Ate," she said, even more exasperated.
"Okay," said Kelsey, with a sigh of relief.

Oh how scared I was! I didn't want to be eaten by coyotes out in the dark, with only Noor for protection! (mental thought: Kelsey cowering in Noor's doggy house, with big scared eyes, while Noor chases away the evil coyotes)

That was my evening.

P.S. Ben was on American Idol last night!! I saw him... hehe. Here's a picture of him singing.

Word of the day.

pro·cras·ti·nate ( P ) Pronunciation Key (pr-krst-nt, pr-)v. pro·cras·ti·nat·ed, pro·cras·ti·nat·ing, pro·cras·ti·nates v. intr.
To put off doing something, especially out of habitual carelessness or laziness.v. tr.
To postpone or delay needlessly.

I procrastinate. She procrastinates. They procrastinate. We procrastinate.

By the way, I need a new band-aid. ( ::: ) See.... *takes big breath*

Myknucklegotsquishedby50lbsofweightstuffonone
ofthemachinesinthewellnesscenter
anditreallyhurtthenitstartedbleedingprofuslycuzthe
skinwastornwhenIpulledoutmy
knucklesoIputonabandaid.

*gulps air*

TRANSLATION: My knuckle got squished by 50 lbs of weight stuff on one of the machines in the wellness center and it erally hurt then it started bleeding profusly(sic) cuz(sic) the skin was torn when I pulled out my knuckle so I put on a band-aid.

Dancing is Fun. That's right, a capital f.

Yesterday was winter formal, and I had lots of Fun dancing and eating brownies *yum.* It took a little while to get loosened up, but after a while the beat got to me, and what else could I do but dance?
I wore a purtiful dark blue dress, with a big bow in the back. I didn't feel like spending oodles of money, so I borrowed it from Brittany... hehe. I was so glad that Robin *finally* went, thanks mostly to her mom's sneaky skills. She was the most enthusiastic dancer.

The most bothersome thing the whole night: Some guy did the worm for the length of the room. Gah.
Funniest: Um, me dancing.
Saddest: Some girl wore a dress that made her look like an Amazon... in a bad way.
Most horrible: I got to sleep after 1am, and had to get up at 7:30.

Happy birthday, Mozart, old chap!

Kelsey: Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you! *keeps singing*
Mozart: Why thank you, but no need to sing, I really don't enjoy your voice.
Kelsey: Oh. *slightly put out* Well, happy birthday! Your age is real swell!
Mozart: Yes, well, it took a while, but I finally did it. *deep sigh of satisfaction*
Kelsey: Oooh, ooh, guess what I did today?!
Mozart: Um, what?
Kelsey: I played one of your Fantasias!!! It was so great!!
Mozart: Oh, that is so flattering. Wasn't it a great piece? I was humming a tune one day, and it all sort of just popped out of my imagination... *babbles on about his great achievements*
Kelsey: O_o YeS. Well then. *cough*pompous composers*cough*
Mozart: Ex-cyoose me?
Kelsey: *innocent face* Nothing...
Mozart: Harrumph.
Kelsey: Sorry. Anyway, thank you for that piece. I truly enjoyed it.
Mozart: You're welcome. You know, I never imagined someone like you would learn that piece. In fact, I've never met a Filipina.
Kelsey: Yes, well, there's a first time for everything.
Mozart: Of course, of course. Tea?
Kelsey: Why yes, thank you very much. May I have a biscuit?
Mozart: Yes. Have a lemon one, they are simply delightful.

Yes. Well.

Ugh. Yesterday was not fun.

New Media is freakishly hot right now! Beads of sweat fall down my neck.

I need a ponytail.

I am staring at a Fufu Berry Jones soda. And I'm not allowed to drink it. *whimper*

Drinking soda and eating ozone. It's blue!

Yes well, I was at church and the guy behind me was snoring, and there was a cow tongue on the table in front of me with blood oozing out of it, so I was glad to get out of there and wash my hands with the foamy soap and play with the kindergarteners, who were just oh so cute, until they started pulling my wrists and bruising me, so then I went home tired but happy, only to realize that I had to figure out some impossible Chemistry assignment and write an essay about Russian Japanesists who drink ozone flavored soda with labels that are blue!

o_O WaIt A mInUtE. That's not quite right.

Kelsey, are you sleepy?
*stifles yawn* Possibly.
Then why don't you go to bed?
Because I'm typing you idiot.
Don't you dare call me an idiot!
Sorry.
Apology accepted. Now go to your room.
No! I mean, um, no thank you your wonderful excellency.
Kelsey, do you want a fuzzy lollipop? Because that's what will come of all this stubborness, so you better mend your ways before fuzzy lollipops are the only thing in your future!
NO. I shan't have fuzzy lollipops! I'd rather be stuck with that Lord of the dance guy and a cheerleader in a 3 by 3 foot elevator!
*gAsP* *gagging noise*

SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Excessive homework combined with procrastination and blog-posting may result in mild brain farts, fatigue, and in some cases, death. Use with caution. Not for anyone under the age of 5.

Kelsey isn't happy. Bleh.

Kelsey came to school happily on Monday. She was expecting a good week, filled with friends and minimal homework. Then, disaster struck. Essay after essay was assigned, until Kelsey was drowning in words about Caesar and government and other brain bending subjects. She isolated herself in her room, hunched over her desk writing, taking notes, and writing more. The light of day never reached her in her prison of paper. She wanted someone to come and save her from her miserable fate, but no prince of wonderfulness was willing to brave the horrors of homework.

All Hail Princess Mimi!

Once, I was alone in the Tiki Tower. My queen-ness as Queen Kelstiki was just not enough to keep me company when Ted was away, or when Ni decided to go on one of his blasted crusades into the night. So, I went to my good friends at Bunnyhero Labs, and adopted Mimi! Who shall forevermore be known as Princess Mimi! Huzzah!

adopt your own virtual pet!

Back at school again... (to the tune of "on the road again")

Ew.
I'm back at school.
Learning... stuff.
And getting homework.

Bleh.

Must have more!

Do you remember the days when the only thing good about getting packages was popping the bubble wrap? It didn't matter whether the box itself contained diamonds, or laxatives; the important thing was the packing. Relive the glory days!

Pop an endless supply of bubble wrap, and be happy.

No more orthodontics for me!!

YESSS!!! After waiting six long, grueling, painful years, after the suffering associated with braces, and the aftermath of said torture devices, I am finally free! Free from metal invading my mouth! Free from cuts on my cheeks! Free from rubbery hands poking my teeth!

Freedom feels good.

Rap vs. bunnies.

I saw the Star Wars Gangsta Rap. Oh my goodness. Luke was wearing bling. And Darth Vader kept doing that... hand... thing. It was weird.
Then, I looked for more Star Wars spoofy thingies, and found THIS!! There are silly voices, and bunnies, and Star Wars characters, and more bunnies! I must say, it's far superior to rap, despite the difference in quality.

Bunnies bunnies bunnies!!

Shopping. It does the body good.

I went shopping yesterday with Mumsie and Laina! It was fun. All the sales were calling out to me: "Kelsey, Kelsey! Buy me! You know I'd look great in your closet, even if I don't look great on you!" It was torturous, knowing that I had the money, but my will was STRONG! Nothing made me give in! Well, except maybe some essentials...