There once was a princess that lived in a duchy by the name of Pakatitoo. (pronunciation: pah-kah-TEE-too) Her name was Little Sparrow, but in actuality, she wasn't very little. Some would even go so far as to say that she was very NOT little. Fortunately, Little Sparrow was okay with that, for she wanted to be.... an o p e r a s i n g e r. She had singing lessons every day in the Royal Singing Lesson Chamber, and she practiced for hours on end just for fun. By the time Little Sparrow reached th age of 16, she was an absolutely wonderful opera singer.
Little Sparrow had another passion other than singing, and his name was Fem. Fem was the son of the local chalkboard-maker. Because of his status, lack of money, and lack of connections, their love was forbidden by the Laws of Social Intercourse that governed the land. This made Little Sparrow and Fem sad.
I could go on and tell you that Little Sparrow went on to be the best opera singer in the world, and that she lived happily ever after singing and singing with her true love, Fem, but that would be a lie. You see, Pakatitoo's neighbor, Minland, was home to the infamously evil Countess Sheyrahn. She wasn't really a countess, and Sheyrahn wasn't her real name, either, but she legally changed her name so that "Countess" was her first name. Anyway. Countess Sheyrahn was not only known for her evil tendencies but for her jealous, malicious heart as well.
Now, what usually happens in stories involving uncommonly talented princesses and jealous countesses?
Exactly.
Princess Little Sparrow suffered from a mysterious illness that ruined her voice, and altered her hearing so that she could not hear that her voice was ruined. (I wonder
who could have done
that?!)
Little Sparrow's father, King Edvard Fabio Kakanti Hemingway XVIII, felt so bad about the whole thing that he didn't have the heart to tell his daughter the truth, so he simply sound-proofed the Royal Singing Lesson Chamber.
In his flustered state, the King forgot that his daughter greatly enjoyed roaming Pakatitoo's many flower-covered hills singing "The Sound of Music." So, tired of being cooped up in the considerably smaller Royal Singing Lesson Chamber, Little Sparrow went off to roam and sing.
As Little Sparrow enjoyed the fresh air and the fragrant flowers, someone
else was not so happy. Little Sparrow was oblivious to the fact just over the next hill was a lake, and in that lake lived a group of Extremely Beautiful Mermaids Wearing Shells. Their Queen, Lilitanya, was obsessed with beautiful things, and would not allow anything otherwise to be in her presence. When she heard Princess Little Sparrow's singing, she nearly screamed. Collecting her wits, Queen Lilitayna pointed her shell-encrusted wand in Little Sparrow's general direction, and blasted a spell so strong that it reverberated throughout the duchy of Pakatitoo.
It was a spell of Silence.
Little Sparrow was knocked over by the force of the spell. When she had righted herself, the princess realized that she could not hear
anything. Dazed and confused, she staggered back to the castle, hoping that the royal surgeon would be able to fix things. Little did she know that the town, including the royal surgeon, was in an uproar of the worst kind: it was silent.
When Little Sparrow arrived, she couldn't believe her eyes. Everybody was yelling at everybody else. Well, she didn't really know that everyone was yelling, but their mouths were gaping open and pumping up and down, so she figured that's what they were
trying to do. Scared that the masses of angry people would do something rash, she ran to the castle and up to the Throne Room of Wonderfulness, where her father usually sat and enjoyed the perks of being King.
Little Sparrow found the king with a huge pile of cotton-tipped ear cleaners to the left of his throne, and a pile of things that
should make loud noises on the right. It was at that precise moment that a feeling of horrid dread filled Little Sparrow as she realized that extent of this sudden deafness. No wonder everyone was yelling. Nobody could hear!
Quickly, Little Sparrow dashed off to the Royal Learning Chamber and fetched as many chalkboards as she could hold, and grabbed a box of chalk as well. She then distributed them to as many people as possible, which totalled 4 people. Of course, this simple action gave the people of Pakatitoo an idea of how to communicate with one another. In a matter of minutes, hundreds of people were swarming outside of Charlie's Charming Chalkboards, the shop owned by Fem's father. In one hour, their whole inventory of 657,452 chalkboards were sold. At five pieces of silver each, Fem and his father were suddenly in posession of 3,287,260 pieces of silver.
As the last chalkboard was bagged for the last customer, Fem had an epiphany.
"I'm RICH!!" he yelled.
What Fem also didn't know was that King Edvard Fabio Kakanti Hemingway XVIII was filing for chapter 7 bankruptcy.
A few weeks later, after an incredibly romantic proposal involving a microphone and a Mariachi band, Fem and Little Sparrow walked down the aisle of matrimony and, once the priest finished his spiel about "twoo wuv", were married! Of course, the whole ceremony was written out on a very large chalkboard, and the vows had to be done on special marriage chalkboards, but all in all, it was quite lovely.
Little Sparrow and her dear Fem lived blissfully ever after. Well, only until Fem got it into his head that he should save Pakatitoo from the Curse of Silence. (echo echo)
But that's another story.
Auditions for the NEW and Improved Kelsey:
Applicant B -
Applicant C -
Well, yesterday I was feeling a little discouraged about my driving abilities. However, today I decided to try learning how to shift in my dad's car. He drove us down to the school's parking lot, and I practiced letting out the clutch, and then putting on the gas, etc. I killed the engine a couple times... or maybe 10 times. Hehe. 
<-- That's my new monkey friend, Francisco. He lives in my wallet.
